


Couple's Therapy

by superfluffycool



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12070587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superfluffycool/pseuds/superfluffycool
Summary: Jamie and Claire end up in couple's therapy. Inspired by the Josh Horowitz skit for MTV's After Hours posted 9/11/2017.





	Couple's Therapy

INT: Dr. Josh’s office. Afternoon. It is a typical therapist’s office in soothing colors and furnished with a comfortable set of chairs and a couch. He welcomes his new patient.

Doctor: Hi. Nice to meet you…?

Claire: Claire

Doctor: Claire. You can close the door behind you.

Jamie comes in after her and closes the door.

Claire: This is my husband, Jamie.

Doctor: Oh, hi, Jamie. You can just wait outside. (he sits and invites Claire to do so as well)

Jamie: I’d prefer to stay. (He sits next to Claire on the couch)

Claire: It’s fine. He’s just very protective. Wants to be wherever I am…

Doctor: Hmm…that might be something to discuss in a couples session.

Claire: I don’t think we need that. Our relationship is—

Jamie: Perfect.

They smile at each other.

Doctor: I see…So what brought you in, Claire?

Claire: Well, we moved, recently, and I’m told that everyone has a therapist, here.

Jamie: I was against it. I dinna understand the point.

Doctor: We’ll get to your concern in a moment, Jamie. Where did you move from?

Jamie and Claire look at each other.

Claire: (sighing) This is going to sound crazy, but he’s from the 18th century, and I’m from the 1960’s.

Doctor: Okaaaaay…and why were you against your wife visiting a therapist, Jamie?

Jamie: I don’t know what ye are. Yer work is strange to me. It sounds like yer a priest takin’ confession, but without the blessing of God.

Doctor: (chuckling) That is exactly what I do.

Claire: See? This is fine.

Jamie: Hmmm…

Doctor: Now, getting back to your big move…

Claire: I don’t really want to talk about that.

Doctor: Why is—

Jamie: If yer not gonna talk about it, why come to this godless priest?

Claire: Because people do this, now. Remember, we talked about how this is a different time? For both of us?

Doctor: It sounds like this is a point of contention in your relationship.

Jamie: Our relationship is perfect. (stroking her face) I love her down to the marrow of her bones.

Claire looks at him and they smile intimately at one another.

Doctor: (interrupting) How is your sex life?

Jamie turns red and stands up with his dirk drawn.

Jamie: Ye’ll not disrespect my wife with such questions.

Claire: Jamie! Sit down!

Doctor: I-I-I’m very sorry. You only have to talk about it if you feel comfortable.

Jamie sits and returns his dirk to his holster. Claire soothes him before turning to the doctor.

Claire: Our sex life is wonderful.

Jamie: We make love every day. Every. Day.

Doctor: That’s…wonderful. So nice to hear from a satisfied couple.

Jamie: I’d kill any man who tried to take her from me.

Doctor swallows hard.

Claire: Jamie? Why don’t you go get us some coffee?

Jamie: In a bit. There was a long line at the Star Bucks.

Jamie is still eyeing the Doctor. Claire strokes his thigh to guide his attention back to her. Jamie relaxes.

Jamie: I’m sorry, mo neighann donne.

Claire: (kissing him and stroking his face) Forgiven.

Doctor: This is so great! Such open communication between the two of you! I ought to bring you in as an example for my other patients.

Jamie and Claire ignore him completely as they nuzzle and whisper into each other’s ears. He stares at them, unsure of what to do.

Doctor: Umm…what would you like to do with the rest of your time? You still have 25 minutes.

Jamie turns and looks at him, then reaches into his sporran.

Jamie: (he gives the Doctor a $20) Why don’t you go to the Star Bucks and leave us here. We’ll be finished by then…maybe.

Claire is kissing his neck, completely absorbed in him. She kisses him on the mouth and Jamie joins her, the outside world receding.

Doctor: Um…yeah, okay. That sounds good. I could use a coffee break. Do you two want anything?

They pay him no attention and have started slowly, and sensuously undressing one another.

The doctor awkwardly exits.

THE END


End file.
